How much have they tried to shrink me?
To tame me?
To make me invisible?
To put me in a box?
There was always too much of me,
Always something sticking out,
Something to be ashamed of,
A mind that wouldn’t stop thinking on her own.
“An embarrassment I tell you!”
Too much of me to be contained in that tiny/tidy box.
Too much of me to be controlled,
Too much of me.
I wouldn’t fit.
It never worked.
I tried myself, at times to make me nice and tidy,
And make me fit inside the box:
Pluck my eyebrows, it didn’t work.
Talk softly, it didn’t work.
Numb myself with pills, it didn’t work.
Wear a dress, grow my hair, lose some weight, it didn’t work.
I have complied, I did what I was told, I played the game,
Gosh I even got married !
It still wouldn’t work.
The box was nice, it promised happiness.
I got in it, reluctantly.
Happiness was not in the box.
Shackles were in the box.
I felt the cold metal against my skin.
The box was tight, too small for me.
It was stuffy, it was suffocating.
I felt sick, I wriggled and kicked.
I tried to get out.
Someone was holding me down.
His hand pressing firmly on the lid.
Keeping me in, domesticated and terrified.
My life stopped, my creativity shrank by the horror.
Working to feed the parasites outside of the box.
The fear, the depression kept me quiet
The rage rising within me.
My damaged neglected self begging
For warmth, for attention, for connection
That never came.
I was an easy target.
Several times I broke free,
and was caged again.
The trap is efficient,
The setting is tricky.
It takes a while to see all the aspects of it,
It takes a while to see the trap in its entirety.
Hope kept me running for a while.
Hope kept me locked up in that box for a while.
Locked up by guilt,
Locked up by duty,
Locked up by loyalty
Locked up by fear,
Locked up by love
I have undone all the locks,
I broke them down one by one.
The box shattered.
The taming failed.
I am not who they tried to make me.
I am not who they say I am.
I am Wild and I am Free !